he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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