look no pants
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
