Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
People in love make me want to vomit
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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