I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
