Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
