just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
