is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
