then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
