I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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