u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
