im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
