Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
