Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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