He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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