Need sex. Gaining weight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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