Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
