Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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