i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
