I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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