How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
