He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
