i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
