Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
