We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
