So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
