Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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