There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
