His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
