Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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