If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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