WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
