The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
