Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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