Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
