Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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