i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
