i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
