Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
