my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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