No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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