Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
