hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
