Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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