after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
