I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize