youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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