Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
