So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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