I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
