4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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