He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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