You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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