the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
