so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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