i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
