It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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