those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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