Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
