How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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