The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
