broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
