im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
