someone owes me an orgasm
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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