i don't like sucking hair
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
