So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
