so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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