I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
