you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
