hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
