I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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