I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im part way to drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
