3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
