Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize