I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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