My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
